My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
3pm strippers are depressing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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