when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
