So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
