We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize