after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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