some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
