Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize