p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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