I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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