I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
