So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
