he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
