you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
