After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she told me i tasted like america
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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