ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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