Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
