Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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