We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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