so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
