At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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