His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
