Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
