i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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