New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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