Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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