Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
