You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
