You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
