My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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