True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
