Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
