there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
