i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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