just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
