We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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