At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
