The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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