OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
