Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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