I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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