I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize