Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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