Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
