i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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