Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
