Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
