Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
