i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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