Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
