Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
