Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
