I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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