I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
