why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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