the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
