it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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