Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
