I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
