I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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