We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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