awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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