I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
