I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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