there's paper in my vomit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
