Whatcha textin bout Willis?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
