Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
