just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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