So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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