the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
