Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
