Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
