in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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