Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
