How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Randomize
